Monday, March 3, 2014

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Lately I feel I’ve been pushed maybe stretched is a better word. Hubby is on nights, I feel like a single parent unless it’s hubby’s day off, I found some disappointing potholes in our curriculum, I’ve had a head cold that has been tormenting me for the last two weeks, I haven’t been able to work out because of being sick or having to run kids here or there, I’m overdue for a date with my love, dealing with the uncertainty of the Air Force Officer RIF Board (Reduction in Force) and dealing with a landlady who thinks we make holes in her our walls for fun because we have nothing else to do.  Seriously, who paints over an air pocket on the wall?  I believe that only our increasingly annoying landlords would do such a thing and have.


I can’t really say life has handed me lemons, but it hasn’t given me the easiest time of it lately.  I’ve started reading Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeursy with a group of ladies from church.  What great timing right?  I wish I could say that I stop and meditate on the words I have read before I react, but sadly I don’t.  Keeping my Latin temper and emotions in check is one of my biggest struggles.  Luckily Lysa says there is a thing called Imperfect Progress, or I’d be doomed to deep and constant guilt.

So how do you handle the unpleasant things life throws at you?  Do you grin and bear it, do you fall into depression, do you fight harder, do you drink, do you go shopping or do you just sit down and eat?  I wish I could say I pray immediately when I feel I’m getting to a breaking point, but sadly I turn to God after I’ve had a hissy fit of some magnitude.

Maybe it is just the little things like for me having my wonderful hubby use my products in the shower.  I LOVE that he wants to take care of himself as I do, but those are expensive and his hair is only maybe an inch long, so he doesn’t need to use my Moroccan Argon Oil Shampoo and he should he use his own face wash not mine.

It seems no matter how many times, how nice or how sternly I ask the girls to leave my hair brush and styling comb in the bathroom they don’t because A: they have their own but want mine B: I hate getting out of the shower wanting to brush my hair before the frizz takes over, but I end up having to go on a hunt for my brush.  That is a typical example for me trying to avoid having a coming unglued challenge.

Here are some helpful tips I found and that I’m trying to practice.  It is a slow process but progress nonetheless!

PRAY….PRAY…PRAY

Imperfect Progress:  Thanks to Lysa Terkeursy and her book I’m learning about imperfect progress. This is the hardest thing for me to wrap my little head around.  I’m somewhat of a perfectionist, and when things don’t happen how I think they should happen or I keep making the same stupid mistake it is really hard for me.  I’m learning that just because it doesn’t happen instantly and perfectly, doesn’t mean the real change isn’t coming.

Take a break every day:  Yes, I know all of the mommies are busy and put everyone first, but we really need a break.  It might only be locking the door to the bathroom just to pee alone for 10 minutes.  Not that ladies take 10 minutes to pee, but maybe you see some brows that need plucking while you wash your hands or maybe you read while on the porcelain throne.  I know a lot can happen in 10 minutes when you have little ones, but figure out how best it works for you to have 10 minutes of rejuvenating time.

Be honest:  Tell your hubby and one of your closest friends how you are really feeling.  Husbands are the best confidants, but there is a limit to their understanding, so that’s why it is good to have a true friend, and maybe you have more than one lady you can pour your heart out to.  It helps to have fighters on your side to help keep you strong, lift you up and try to keep you sane.
So these have been helping me, but I still need work. I’m aware before I react, and that is Huge for me.

Have a wonderful week my friends! 




Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Is all vanity?


I heard a commercial while I was listening to the radio advertising some college, but this was the only thing I remember.  “What will your kids say about you if you don’t get your college degree?”  Maybe it’s because I’m officially middle age this year, and I’m feeling like I’m not everything I should be or need to be?  I do know that none of the things mentioned below ever bothered me, or even crossed my mind when I was in my twenties and a young mother.

When I was a very young lady dreaming of having a family it was all so simple and happy.  Never once did I think about how not finishing my degree would make feel like a failure in the eyes of my peers, or not having a spotless house would make me feel lazy.  How homeschooling would make always question my abilities, or how having two beautiful babies would leave their mark, and make me worry that the hubby would stop thinking I was the most beautiful woman in the world. (To him anyway.)

I always knew I wanted children and remember telling myself that once I had kids nothing else would matter, because them and my hubby would be my work, my life.  I remember people asking me if that really was all I wanted.  At the time I didn’t understand why they’d ask me such a silly question.  In the last few years I’ve begun to ask myself the same thing.  Is being a mom really enough?  Should I have pushed myself harder in school before the babies came?  Am I really all I can be? 

Now I’m stuck in a spin cycle that goes something like this:
I’m not worried about my kids’ education till I hear that my friend’s kids are 2 grades ahead in EVERYTHING! Then I question am I doing enough for the girls education? 
I’m proud of myself for making milk carton houses with the girls till I see Betty’s mini town made from matchsticks.  Shoot I guess I won’t be posting our 2 little houses on facebook tonight.
I’m content with our living on one income till Mary and I are shopping, and she buys 2 new pairs of the most adorable shoes!! (I LOVE shoes and I WANT new shoes every month too.) Maybe I really do need to get a job and just find a babysitter?
 I’m not jealous till I see the Jones going on their 3rd vacation and this time to Disneyland.  The girls are begging to go and I have to tell them, “Sorry loves it’s not in the budget this year.”  If I had my degree right now I could just put the girls into private school and we could have that extra money.
I’m content being a stay-at-home mom until I see my other mom friends graduating, and all the while they were working and raising kids.  I’m not sure how we could swing me going back to school right now, but maybe we should just bite the bullet and do it.  Again, I’d have to find a babysitter and I’d probably rarely see hubby since he is on nights, but Oh that extra money in about 4 years would be fabulous.
Am I satisfying my hubby on every level needed to keep him and us strong?  Sorry not going into details here. {Insert winky face here.}
I’m fine (for the most part and when in my favorite outfits) with the way I look till I see Jenny after she popped out her 4th kid last week.  What the Cheese already back to a size 2??  With utter despair I stare at myself, and cry, “Why are these last 15 lbs hanging around??

Oh and how the list could go on and on my friends, but I think you got the point.

Are these things really the essential ingredients to making one feel like a “Good” mom or “Accomplished” woman? Can you be both a good and accomplished woman without a college degree and stay-at-home mom?  YES, I’m slowly realizing, you can because none of those things matter in the most important ways.

I think that the accomplished woman is someone who is happy in her own skin, shaping a meaningful life, not impressing the neighbors.  When you are truly comfortable with yourself you won’t be sucked into playing the competition game and you won’t feel the need to impress others.

Lysa TerKeurst’s words struck me to the core yesterday while I was reading her book Am I Messing Up My Kids? “My family will be my greatest legacy.  More than the things I accomplish.”   All I could say after I read that was “WOW!”

In reality the girls are doing Great in school, I have enough shoes, if we want a vacation we save for it, my degree will take me 3-5 years to complete and then there is the possibility that we will be sent overseas and can’t use it for X amount of years, and I have a gym buddy so by spring those pesky pounds better be gone, and hubby still chases me around the house.
I have no idea what my kids will say about me, but after the last few days I’m not biting my nails about it.  No matter what anyone else thinks, or says my most important job is raising the two beautiful little ladies to be the best they can be, and to the best of my ability be the best wife for my hubby.  I’m their role model till I’m kicked off the pedestal so I’ll love the skin I’m in and love every part of the life I’m blessed to have. 



                                         

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Out with the Old and In with New or Something like that

Have you thought that I stopped blogging?  Well to tell the truth I thought about it, and then I thought about changing it to be a private blog for the sake of my kids but then again their pictures are on facebook and we all know how safe that is.   After giving it much thought I have decided I should stick with it and stop trying to keep up with the super bloggers and just do what I feel.

With that being said..
Closing out 2013….Ahh what a good year it was.  Like any year it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine but it was pretty awesome.  We were able to have one of the best Christmases with hubby’s side of the family. And we got a couples date with hubby’s sister and her hubby and then we were able to have two dates.  So much family fun, and lots of good food.  It was just super nice overall. 

Duluth, MN

How I plan on bring in 2014

My New Years Resolution of sorts and keeping it short and sweet this year.

For the past several months there has been a word that I can’t escape.  No matter where I am or whom I talk to it is always brought up one way or another.  I have decided to not ignore it.  So for 2014 FAITH is the word I will center my life around.  It’s so easy in this life to worry and stress, whether it be your retirement just got cut or taken away completely, paying off debt that seems to hang over your head like a bad habit, lose your job, or just the regular everyday family, life, kids and health.  I can’t always control what will happen.  The only control I have is the choice of how 
I’ll handle what comes my way and choosing to have faith that things will be ok.

Read More.  I’m setting a goal to read 125 books and I might need to buy a few more, but I plan on reading all the books I have bought and either put on the shelf or stopped reading after a chapter or two.  I’m pretty sure with the help of one of my best friends this won’t be hard to complete.  Here is my starter stack and my favorite bookmark is in the book I’ll start to kick off 2014.



Be HAPPIER and Play More.  I let past, present and future bother me way too much and I guess this goes hand in hand with having more faith, but I want my girls to look back and say “My mom was always Happy” not “ My mom wasn’t Happy much”.  I only have a very short window of time with my girls where they actually want to play and be with mommy so I’m going to try my hardest when asked to play or read to Stop whatever I’m doing and Play!

Get in Shape to a point that I look in the mirror and smile at myself.  Also I must watch very very carefully how I tear myself apart.  Even though I think I keep it to myself, I know my hubby hears more then he’d like and I NEVER want my girls being so hard on themselves.

No No No  to YELLING!!! I hate it and it must stop!!!  Even when I think I’m doing well, I’m told otherwise. Lots of work left to do.

Last but definitely not least.  Love my hubby more. For me this means stopping and watching his goofy YouTube videos that he finds so funny, making sure he is greeted by my smile and hug first thing no matter what mood I might be in, and dialing back my pet peeves.  If I can do any or all he’d be a happy camper.

May your New Year be filled with Love, Happiness, Peace and Blessings!




                                         

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Our life to date


I said I wouldn’t wait forever to blog after our NC trip and look it’s Wednesday a week later.

We had a very beautiful drive through West Virginia and Virginia.  Chickpea was super excited to drive through her birth state of Virginia.




We arrived a bit on the tired side, but safely and we made excellent time.  The girls enjoyed the boys both of whom were younger and troopers seeing as the girls mothered them both. It was great to sit with another couple and talk, laugh and just hang out.  Wish I could just put all the people we’re friends with in the same area/base. Life would be amazing!!

Sweetness

It has just been non-stop since getting back.  Girls had a birthday party the day after we got back.  Oh my gosh did they have a blast!

I had agreed to do a freezer meal exchange before we left. Cooking a total of 15 meals and each lady would walk away with 2 meals from the 7 ladies taking part.  I made the rookie mistake of waiting to do everything after vacation. NEVER AGAIN!!! 400 meatballs later or 20 lbs of beef (M and I’s math was a little off, but we will have meatball meals for a good couple of months) and 1 1/2 days worth of cooking I completed it.  I’m glad they are delish or I’d be very devastated.  We had our first meal tonight and it was Lime Cilantro Chicken. So so yummy!  I’m excited to try all the other yummy meals I got in the exchange.

Holy Meatballs and not even half done!

Trying to get back on a schedule for school after a mini vacation is like pulling teeth.  Not only for the girls but myself as well. Seems like more often then not I doubt my ability to teach.  Am I really teaching everything they need to know?  Are they missing out on something?  This is right, right?  Maybe we should just pay the couple grand to move into a good school distract.  I know this is just a moment and then I'll come to my senses.  I hate that I’m so wishy-washy about it all.  It’s just been one of those days weeks. 

Monday I was able to get together with some ladies from church.  We had dinner, conversation and mint brownies that I made for dessert.  {Must be the cold weather because I’m baking a lot lately.}  It was an amazing time of listening, talking and walking away feeling like I’m not the only who feels like this mom thing isn’t what I signed up for from time to time. 

Pure Deliciousness!! 
Tuesday we finally got library cards {each girl got their own} and I showed the girls how to use the computers to look up the book they want and then how to find them.  This was fascinating to them and kept them busy.  I love that I have 2 readers.  I didn’t enjoy reading as a kid.  I wanted to be out riding my horse more than reading, but in High School I feel in love with reading and haven’t stopped.  One of my bestie and I have our own small book club.  It has kept us even more connected and it’s something we both really enjoy.

Today we made Jack-O-Lateran cookies and the girls are very disappointed that they don’t get to eat them all.  I realized it’s a little challenging for me to come up a vast variety of faces to ice. However, I think they turned out pretty good and can’t wait to take them to the day shift at the hospital and karate.

No Martha Stewart but not too bad.

There is our week and I’m ready for the weekend.  Have a good one friends.